What Would An Equitable Sexuality Look Like?

Imagine a more generous sexual economy generally, where sexual pleasure was not judged or withheld on the basis of judgement. Imagine a horizontal plane of pluralistic attractions, rather than a singular hierarchy of attraction. Are these things possible? Imagine a world that involves people (especially men) never needing to rely on their sex or charm for securing a life for themselves (sex as a survival strategy). Imagine a world where cultural obsession with sex built upon sexual scarcity was not a thing. What else might be possible? What stands in the way of materializing equitable sexualities? This salon is part of the Critical Hedonism(s) series.

Notes

1289 8:43 pm 906 8/11/16 13 salon 10 Eric Rogers 6 Zarinah Agnew some of the theory 9 what we mean what we could mean equitable palatable 4 equal opportunity what feels equitable 1 post-scarcity 3 sexual relationships cuddle puddles as a sexual thing 8 physical contact non post-scarcity the desires that people feel the people that were more overweight none of that feels equitable 6 Molly equal opportunity for employment and income not being ashamed to want to have sex the marketplace of sex 18 social norms sexual interests unregulated an unregulated sexual marketplace the longer description our physical needs 2 our emotional needs 9 the need to be loved the need to be connected 1 more equal not something to be ashamed of equitable/fair a specific desire different genders sexual reasons 8 underprivileged 1 is this fair to me? is this fair to in general? 139 sexuality 1 starface 4 human power 18 human organization 1 is this fair for me? the situation that we're in now sexual existence really lonely people the sex life that I want to have life frustrations 1 unwanted attention uninvited attention 4 sexual attention 16 unfair 28 unfairness sexual desirability 2 power dynamics an inequitable society to contest power the ecology of power 1 critical hedonism a confrontation with power canalized ways to center on the inequities 99 safety ability to express desire to desire things openly what we want for ourselves how power flows through sexuality partner dominance gender and age men with money and women with youth sexual agency a world where men gain power as they age and women lose it much more liberation 1 changing perceptions of scarcity a very pessimistic view 5 the reality principle 2 the pleasure principle an automatic feeling 13 our desires utter chaos in cities to curb your desires 1 repressive apparatuses 2 all these institutions 19 Herbert Marcuse there's two ways to complicate it as we develop more technologies 2 historically contingent to experience their desires 2 surplus repression the technology piece the safety question the safety question around pregnancy the safety question around STDs an uneven distribution of pleasure 95 age body type 9 social status how we experience sexuality over-sexualized money for beauty how they plan to be taken care of financial means educational means a tremendous unfairness 1 the circles that you're in to attain status in the world in decline desirability a nerdy city to let him finish spikes/valleys things that could be equalized 16 interesting work dating in the dark 21 a date one form of practice 1 this uneven distribution repression/pleasure 1 a certain vision this vertical axis racially-defined characteristics this question of sexuality 1 in our mass culture characteristics seen as being feminine characteristics seen as being masculine closer to these ideals a thing that's mostly private the repression of sexuality 8 to be intimate police power a policing of sexual behavior a specific type of desire 6 human desires the evolution of sexuality an identity built around our sexuality a mediated version to see people having sex to resemble the reality 46 the reality private responsibilities privately enjoyed 5 social time sharing social time to point to a practice 1 these repressions what we can actually do 31 Elise all the isms being in the system body shape our modern marketing system something shifts along the way bound feet who you were fucking 5 status display an act of power to stretch myself when I walk into the world stereotypical attractiveness fairly young I experience that as fear I experience that as control fat shaming fat shaming oppresses all women expressing a greater range of desire men who would fuck that woman but would never date them normalized beauty when I was young, I feared; when I was older I would be neglected 2 to hold people accountable something I poorly articulated how to regulate those things which of these things are unnecessary? genuine choice pure hedonism hedonistic pleasures what safety meant 1 a separate person these different phases managing a cadre of people in one contained thing 3 Inbar I have a new point 28 clarification I feel triggered 2 speed it up people in our house I statements 4 fair/unfair equitable sexuality these regulations we need to regulate that what are my needs in a relationship? how do you negotiate that? polyamory blogs 2 my take on it when we can express our desires to have what they need for themselves impossible restrictions any kind of connection with people a sexual partner when people put their own expectations on others the problem you just raised people's relationship choices our friend groups somehow imbalanced to form organically hierarchy requires power choiceful I'm not saying that you should do this how do we negotiate all the different relationships? pre-existing social power structures 1 with friends 2 to bond to bond over an interest tons of rules to progress naturally kind of okay 4 lily to break down our needs into different categories to divide your needs into different categories aggregated human behaviors a very useful thinker what what we do does is it fair for me? what is what I'm doing doing? breaking down hierarchies being more inclusive people who are not in this room 1 our life experiences real common things a specific sex act a desire to be touched a desire to be feel lovable a desire to be feel forgivable in order to be honest something that everyone wants more open to providing these to people quite impossible the power to be open social access to other human beings is sex a human right? is touching a human right? the least access to sex a primatologist human sexual behavior 2 a social tool sex as a social tool it didn't cost me anything sexual generosity making sex mundane something that doesn't need to be mutual not consensual there's a wall the sex wasn't good someone I had sex with once someone I had sex with once that I don't want to have sex with again 4 I don't find you attractive the California yes disproportionately a fear they don't want to be raped I have to bring this up the bonding aspect of sex 1 more commonplace a deeply bonding act that level of bond my emotional status 5 reproductive strategies as an activity sex-related sex is an answer 1 being a human the sentimentality maybe overvalued a product of scarcity 4 readily available power and hierarchy systems 1 participating in the system the reasons why it's been repressed our economy is changing 1 what I was trying to get to being able to take yes and no as an answer I have a desire to do this I have a desire to do this, possibly with you my idea about power the desire around sex not to be desired 1 this feels oppressive to me the freedom to say I want organic sexual relationships you get bored with it you're participating in this moment some mutual benefit 1 having this relationship 1 moving in a different direction different desires in my philosophy of life 1 it might hurt do they want to cuddle me? how does human nature actually work? moments that lead to pleasure a dance community to deconstruct the system a very sacred thing when I do understand what I want I can trust him the reasons given for rape I wanted to dominate 1 the definition of rape the guy just didn't understand a key part of the solution 1 two individuals that power dynamic the things they want to do hurt other people there is not freedom to express that desire I want to be touched their sexual drives 1 what's desirable acting on the desire the idea of bonding bonding between people 3 artificially scarce 1 a bonding experience slightly more personal my sexual performance a big part of our self-definition how we spend our time and effort 18 consensual open sex spaces 15 a series of events redefining sexual economies the connection with care economies of care 1 those who want caring sex 2 caring relationships meaningless sex meaningful sex how do we prevent new hierarchies? 4 harm reduction illegitimately repressed sexuality other avenues to explore acting our way into different thinking it emerged from doing this thing frowned upon something that is not seen as acceptable non-normative things 1 not shaming 1 book: The Persistence of Vision